You may leave behind your homeland, but you will never escape the feeling of nostalgia, yearning, and pride that you feel when you remember the landscape, the sounds and smells of your youth.
Specially when you got the bes flag in the history of modern nations, yo!! Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about! This Monkey Hill, we're celebrating the greatest flag ever made to represent the most bootiful state on earf. We're goin' downyoshun for this one!
O say can you see - Bill Batemans Bistro, Jimmy Cantlers Riverside Inn, the Dundalk poop factory, Berthas Muscles, McGarveys Oyster Bar, Dobbins Island. We're pourin' one out for the places that conjure up the smell of brackish water and two stroke engines at the end of July.
The more money you donate, the sillier my ride gets. So donate!!
I will also match your donations 1:10 for the Key Bridge Emergency Response fund to support the families of the six workers that died during the collapse of the Key Bridge: https://www.baltimorecivicfund.org/key-bridge-response-fund
At these various funding levels:
$100: Paul will play
Good Morning Baltimore on repeat on his bluetooth speakers as loud as physically possible
$250: Paul will load the weight-equivalent of a 12 pack of boh on his bike
$500: Paul will proudly afix the Maryland Flag like a cape around him during the race
$750: Paul will play Trapped Under Ice's rendition of
Good Morning Baltimore on repeat for the duration of the race.
$1,000: Paul will load an entire bushel of live crabs onto his front rack. At the conclusion of the race, we will steam them and we will have a crab feast on Monkey Hill*
$1,500: another 12-pack? okay (weight-equivalent, not actual beer)
$2,000: Paul will make a natty boh face wheel cover for his front wheel
$2,500: Paul will wear a crab costume during the race
Join the Captain's Club:
Donate $50 to the fundraiser and you can eat as many crabs after the race as you want!**
*If for any reason Paul is not able to acquire the crabs or, for other reasons, race with them, he will still put like 40 lbs of weight into a bushel basket
**If Paul does not make it to $1,000, the Capitan's Club clause will be null and void! and you won't get a refund! Sorry!